So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
