My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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