The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
