She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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