why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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