Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
did i just pee glitter
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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