Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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