the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
