Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
