Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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