Dual....:-)
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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