i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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