Umm I'm too high to move.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
