I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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