It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
