Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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