I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
