I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
