the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
