i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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