i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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