would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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