I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
