Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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