We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
