Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
