when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
