Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
