he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
