I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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