Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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