am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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