Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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