Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
