I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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