She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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