remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Drunk is a universal language darling
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