i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize