so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
