someone threw a dead crab at me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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