i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
