Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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