ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need to calm my uterus...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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