the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
