he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
did you just send me my own nude
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