BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
