got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
