Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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