wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
