All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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