Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
