I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
