Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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