This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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