Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
