cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
