She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
