Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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