I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize