you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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