Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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