I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it penis luge time yet?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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