I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize