Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
now i know why i became what i already was.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
