was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
