Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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