I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
