So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
