Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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