are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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