you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Randomize
