She went from zero to smokin in five shots
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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