i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
