Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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