Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
